Facebook, Private Parts and Quizzes

There is no doubt that people have noticed the massive influx of quizzes that are swimming around the diaphragm of Facebook. There is the ability to create them, and also to participate in odd ones such as, “Which 80’s movie psycho bitch are you?” It has me wondering what, if any, signifigance can be interpretted from this. The quiz category that chaps my hide most is the ,”How well do you know me?” quiz. I think I want to hack facebook and change the title to each of those to, “Does anyone even fucking care?” The percentages won’t lie. I don’t find any personal joy or arousal from knowing that people know basic shit about me. Well except a massive CGI erection. (CGI indicates fake AI generated illusion to fool humans) I don’t want to know which freaks out there know more than they should. I would have to then be afraid of them. Is it insecurity? Is it a cry for attention based from insecurity?.. “Please look at me and think about my life and post statistics of what you know and invite others to do it too, and eat up everyones fucking wall with my stupid face.” It would be much more delightful if people who actually have interesting lives were on facebook. Imagine Charles Manson making a quiz about his likes and dislikes. I would be interested in the sick shit that would kick up. Or a homeless guy asking: What did I do for Christmas in ’08 ? A) Pissed my pants by the Macy’s hot air exhaust fan. B) Masterbated a slightly less homeless guy for a quarter bottle of Mad Dog. C) Got trapped in the sewer tunnel on 5th. D) Got thrown out of the St. Anthony’s Church Narthex for stealing from the collection plate, and the stealing the plate, by the man playing Jesus in the Re-enactment. / That would be a facebook quiz that would interest me. Much more interesting than “Kids of the 80’s” or that gay shit. People like to proclaim so fucking proudly that they were an 80’s kid. I was one, I’m not proud of something like that, and don’t fucking care about others who take odd pride in knowing what years they were alive. I don’t even know what it means, to tell me I was only 31% of an 80’s kid. I don’t remember missing part of myself, and my pictures aren’t disapeering like they did in Back to the Future.What can we make of these overactive facebookers? I can tell you one thing, it’s not  these people that drive Prius’s in the nude. Mark Zuckerberg only created facebook so he could stalk the world. When he was 17 he was lucky to get the charges dropped when he was caught with his testicles stapled to a tree outside of his ex-boyfriends basement window. The charges were dropped thanks to the expert testimony of his childhood friend Curly, the family sheep. We know Curly had her reasons. He also isn’t completely stupid. By taking these quizzes Facebook is better able to know exactly when a user needs to see the “Six Pack Abs” advertisement on the sidebar or the diarrhea berry fatloss secrets. They go hand in hand! I know there are amazing communicative benefits of facebook. Everyone says that. I am not 100% sold on that idea. Yes, it means you will never call that person you didn’t like enough to call anyway (but still play invisible voyeur to their life). It means that geek squad will be able to practice autoerotic asphyxiation to your spring break pictures annually (they make sure everyones hard drive will be back in the store during May and June, before it gets to hot). It means that other people will make money with stupid advertisements because I log in. It means that people I didn’t care to be “Friendy friends” with will be able to ask me what I’m doing and try and meet up with me. It means that Oprah Winfrey shits golden harmonicas out of her mouth. It means that when I’m bored I will know what everyone’s shit is. It means that sybians are very popular and behind the scenes of a lot of “Study Abroad” photos. It means that, for the most part, nothing. It means that 4 people will click on the link to my shitty blog each day. Thanks to whoever you four are, you are curing AIDS. The answer was A and B.

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One thought on “Facebook, Private Parts and Quizzes

  1. wachmonster says:

    Leave me alone or I will close my blinds!

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