Carmen Sandiego Caught! Escaped!!

Woman Caught with Two Hydrocodone Pills; Felony Charge Dismissed!

April 23, 2009 Posted In: Florida Law

By Melon Law/Justin Case/ on April 23, 2009 3:57 PM |

Lee County, FL.  A complaint dispatched to local authorities reported a blue Dodge Ram with Florida tags driving erratically. The eye witness claimed the truck hit a curb and was weaving. When the truck came to a stop two confident yet crazy women in tan trench coats exited and began reenacting the final Star Wars: Return of the Jedi light saber battle, while blasting the song, Girls Just Want to Have Fun on repeat through the cd player.  The police dispatched to the call followed the flashlight battle for several blocks before stopping the women, suspecting alcohol intoxication. The officers made contact with the lead female and claimed they smelled a strong odor of alcohol on her breath. They asked her to perform standard field sobriety testing.
The officers concluded from the tests that the woman was too impaired to operate the vehicle and placed her under arrest. She was able to distract officers before the arrest by convincing them that her light saber was indestructible and deadly. She then used a real, self made sword to decapitate one of the officers involved. After some unreal gun play and flashlight eye shining they subdued one Carmen Sandiego.  Search of the vehicle revealed two bottles of Hydrocodone pills, all the maple trees from Canada, the Mall of America, and a tied and gagged Pablo Picasso. The driver was placed under arrest and charged with Driving Under the Influence, under Fla. Statute 316.193(1) and Possession of a Controlled Substance without a prescription, under Fla. Statute 893.13. They were also charged with Grand Larceny, kidnapping, murder and sexual assault. Sandiego admitted to having an addiction to life improving medications and the senseless beating of homeless beggars.
Lee County authorities conducted a thorough investigation of Sandiego’s Florida activities in an attempt to uncover the identity of the second woman involved in the altercation.  They found that Sandiego had been living in an apartment above a Starbucks and had been plotting something too complex for the combined brain power of Florida. They were able to deduct that the trees, mall and Picasso were related and not being held together in that truck by accident. They also found that she wears no clothes under that trench coat, she was allowed to wear the famed garment in her jail cell. After a stronger investigation was initiated by a gumshoe and the chief was allowed, they found that Sandiego had been riding a mo-ped around the U.S. stopping periodically to play the Harmonica for pocket change. The other female involved was ironically linked to Sandiego romantically and took her own life shortly after being booked. As for the fate of Sandiego she was able to miraculously escape without a trace, from the the Lee County Court Administration building. The last words she spoke while in custody were, “When I get too much blood on my hands, I clean them in more blood.” This was reportedly heard by a bitchy crackwhore in the cell next to her. Sandiego’s cell was found with one maple leaf, she is believed to have smuggled in, lying on her pillow over a lipstick kiss stain. Although ultimately failing to capture this dangerous criminal, her plan was foiled once again. The Mall of America and Maple Trees were returned. Pablo was put out of his misery and reburied. Sandiego was able steal all of Florida’s Oranges during this process.
Sandiego is once again without a care in the world. These photographs are have been distributed for public awareness and safety.

One thought on “Carmen Sandiego Caught! Escaped!!

  1. Bronze Lifter says:

    Dear ACME Crime Unit,
    For the love of God stop letting Carmen Sandiago sodomize Michelangelo’s David. She is stealing his innocence which is worse than all the oranges and maple syrup in the world. On a totally unrelated note, I think that everyone in America, wait, the world should stop and take a hard look at there own inner Carmen Sandiago and stop stealing all the cattle in Texas. We need that sweet Angus beef. How else will burger king advertise?

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