Netflix “Watch Instantly” Milks Goat Teet Using Hair Dryer

Many of us indulged ourselves in the netflix orgy of choosing movies on our computer and having them sent to our homes. Their advertising campaign uses important points such as; no late fees, save money by not driving to the distant video store, unlimited selection of movies and the ability to watch movies instantly at home. I do love my Netflix and would never get rid of it, but that’s mainly because video stores are bigger money fuckers than buying drinks at the bar. The real points is though, the Netflix “watch instantly” feature is the cutting edge of the way entertainment is moving, yet has the crappiest selection of movies conceivable. I can only watch Steven Segal, slow 80’s indies and movies from the 50’s for so long until I crave a current new release blockbuster. Call me mainstream, but I think a gander at my toilet seat would change that opinion. I keep wondering why they would place such a limited and dated selection of movies into this option. Corporations generally have a motive behind most of their decisions, so I have used hundreds of old newspapers, red yarn and pushpins to figure out what is going on with this. Netflix has the ultimate goal of keeping everybody in their homes 24 hours a day and turning us all into hyper emotional versions of John Cusack. I can verify this through the last few movies I have watched, Visioneers, Motorcycle Diaries and Special. These movies try so hard to bring us to the brink of tears, but cannot pull the trigger on it, and leave me feeling empty and hopeless. It reminds me of when I was in college and my roommates and I would sit through an entire Sundance movie for that short hope of seeing a boob, all the while our computers cried tears of silicon in our rooms. Today I woke up and only had the ambition to wear whitey tighties and eat Snickers bars in front of the television. I was able to snap myself out of this by getting gas station Funyuns and drinking warm diet coke while planning to start working out again…tomorrow. Ultimately, until they update their business Netflix might as well stop advertising this feature, because it is as lame as people who wear bluetooths 24/7. The truth is goat cheese isn’t good enough to eat on a sandwich every day.

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One thought on “Netflix “Watch Instantly” Milks Goat Teet Using Hair Dryer

  1. Meow Mix says:

    I would rather watch re-runs of “Murder She Wrote” than the Netflix Instant Que.

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