Trey (white) woke up early on Saturday morning. It was a special day for him. Yesterday at work he received an extremely undeserved promotion, and he will be a big shot now. He is going to enjoy an entire weekend shopping for trendy suits and work attire. He had always loved the position of superiority over his equals and betters. It greatly helped him overcome his secret insecurities; and helped him to answer questions that have always plagued him, “Is anyone proud of me? Do they think I am good?” Trey hides the fact that he asks himself these questions, he hides it too well. He is an excellent projector.
Trey lives by ten simple club rules: 1) Always pop collars at parties 2) Bluetooth, bluetooth, bluetooth (even if the battery is dead) 3) Always take dancing lessons, (only to beg girls to dance while out, then to try and show off to them) (Also to tell certain chicks you take dance lessons, even if you never dance with them) 4) Be cocky when in front of others, be a complete wimp when confronted alone 5) Wear tight, Express (feminine cut) Jeans whenever feasible 5) Brag about parents cabins, cars, boats, etc… as if they are your own 6) Take as many photographs as possible with baby cousins, nephews and puppies. Post said photos on Facebook in attempt toward female attention (with the secret hope of them getting you fucked in some sick twist of fate, one where a girl thinks you are so cute with your dog that she fucks you) 7) Always announce on Facebook when you are, “At the gym,” or, “working out.” This will get you some, over time. 8 ) Whenever asked about your job, give short extremely arrogant answers to indicate high importance 9) Don’t think your cool, know your cool 10) JOG/BIKE/WALK AROUND IN PUBLIC WITH YOUR SHIRT OFF!
Trey decided that the confidence provided by his new promotion requires a very public work out to start his day. Since rule number 10 is unbreakable by members of his cult he will be jogging up and down Main Street without a shirt on. Trey, like 94% of club members does not have a ripped body. He has one of those almost ripped, “I have been working out lightly for 2 months, but I feel like I’m in shape” type of bodies. During his jaunt, Trey will feel like he is very cool. He will feel like people are noticing him, the right people. He will also fear certain things, but you would never guess it. He will fear that his butt crack sweat has made it through his Sean Jean work out shorts. He will fear people judging him by his nipples and body hair patterns. He will fear me yelling, “No shirt club,” in a demeaning way toward him.
Trey will only jog if there are a lot of girls around to see him jogging. If there isn’t he will check to see if other men are admiring him. If it doesn’t seem so he will walk home.
I will be writing periodic installments involving the members of this club. When I see them, I judge them harshly and write about who I think they are. I do this because they suck and no one else will point out how douchey they look.