Farmville Chronicles

Found posts of Peter Attonwhore once of Farmville.

Peter found a scared wild goat wondering his “friendly” farm in Farmville. Oh no!

Peter killed the goat out of season in Farmville.

Peter wasn’t pleased with how he butchered the goat, so he threw the whole mess in his burning pile in Farmville.

Peter starting drinking while he drove the combine and had crooked rows Farmville.

Peter couldn’t get the combine to start when the engine killed, so he walked drunk for two hours through tall corn back to his house in Farmville.

Peter’s wife was mad at him for being drunk and late, so he yelled at her in Farmville.

Peter will have a poor harvest in Farmville.

Peter’s wife will start sleeping with the Milk Man in Farmville.

Peter won’t care in Farmville.

Peter will decide to care and repeatedly fight the Milk Man in Farmville.

Peter’s children will be in the custody of Farmville.

It will get messy in Farmville, so don’t constantly share that garbage on your Facebook page in Realville. Besides, the real story can never be told with one sentence updates.

       It was a normal afternoon in Farmville; birds chirped, people farmed, children with the upgraded barns played happily and everyone constantly told everyone what they were doing. Peter Attonwhore worked hard, day in and day out. He didn’t quite understand why, since Farmville had little reward for those living in it. They were cut off from the world, their only joy was coming from people giving them a minimal amount of attention after hearing what small tasks they had completed over and over. Eventually their system of attention-fun became too congested and no one cared any longer what other people did. Since this practice of over-sharing was already in place, it continued to go on even though nobody really wanted it too. People even started sharing such meaningless information such as the color of their stools. After a while though, it had many people pondering the meaning of their existence. Peter was the first person to distill the first batch of moonshine to ever exist in Farmville. This inevitably led  him to stop sharing his status and achievements since most of them were embarrassing or disgusting. After a highly successful sales campaign of his moonshine, alcohol was banned in Farmville. Peter used the money he had accrued to buy gifts for several of the city council members in both the cities of Farmtown and Farmville. This enabled the city council members to buy and plant fast growing, tall trees around their properties and separate them from the very unprivate general population. In all walks of life, private is an automatic increase of general worth. Think of it in terms of a boss having an office, and employees on a business floor setting. Another example is the private jet versus flying coach. Quite successfully, Peter had drawn a dark line that separated people into classes in Farmville. Peter then started selling his moonshine illegally with the assistance of his “created” upper class. Peter became god in Farmville. After a few years went by, people in Farmville were severely depressed. Peter convinced the upper class members to start making up short snippets about their lives for everyone to read and hear about. People in Farmville found comfort in pretending that one day their lives may be the same as the upper class. They hopelessly slaved on with no chance of being upper class. Peter played puppet master to Farmville until he died from drinking sour animal milk in his cereal. Later people will find comfort when Peter’s lost postings are discovered and displayed as they were in preclusion to this story, because it brings him down to an embarrasing yet normal level of existance. It also brings up your average Farmvillestite to a slightly higher worth in the stock market of dignity.


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